The same person that put the thought of getting a Formspring in my head also incepted me to create a blog. This is really just for my musings because sometimes my head is too messy a place for me to live in. And at least there is at least one person who will read this. Obviously there have been down moments recently, but I have been truly happy the past few weeks and I decided to immortalize my happiness in the form of a blog so I can remember all these important moments.
Honestly, I am afraid of being happy. As Charlie Brown puts it best, “Because whenever you get too happy, something bad always happens.” Or maybe because I’ve spent most of my 2011 and 2012 being heartbroken and sad, so this feeling of happiness actually feels all too foreign and surreal. I think I’ve become so used to being hurt that for the longest time, it was my identity. But now I am slowly and surely letting that part of me (and him) go. And being able to write about the moments that have made me happy seem to concretize it and make them seem a bit more real.
I saw this sunset one evening when I walking through Botanic Gardens on my way home from school and I just HAD to stop and take a photo because it was too beautiful :’) And it just reminded me that there are so many beautiful things in life to enjoy, so many things to be thankful for and life is too short to spend living in the past.
Sometimes I wish that things didn’t have to change and that all the people that I ever held dear to me can be in my life forever. But I learned the hard way that because we are finite, we really can’t promise other people “forever”.
“Forever is so many different things. It was always changing. It was what everything was really all about. It was 20 minutes or 100 years or just this instant, or any instant, or any instant I wish would last and last. But there was only one truth about forever that really mattered and that was this: It was happening. Right then. Right now.”
– Sarah Dessen, The Truth About Forever.
But nothing is infinite, not even loss.
And I’m going to find the me before you back 🙂