I have 3/4 of a contract tutorial + a legal theory assignment waiting to be done but I’m so grateful and thankful that things are finally falling into place so I want to write it all down (while taking a break and watching The Mentalist and Bones). God has really been working and steadying my heart, and for that I am so thankful.
About one month ago, I posted this on tumblr, in a post called ‘Acceptance’:
I could never, and still can’t, figure out where to draw the line between fighting for someone you love and letting go because you love.
I always thought love meant holding on and fighting and fighting and fighting for that relationship, even when you have no fight left in you.
But sometimes, loving is letting go.
I see it now. I see it in the way you are happy in photos. I see it in your distance. I see it in the way I too am happier now.
It was a grand one and a half years together and another year of pain. But I hope all that has led us to where we are meant to be.
And I hope that you’ve never been better.
Despite posting that, I still had my moments of falling back into the “I want everything back” rut. But I think God has been slowly dealing with all the hurts and my remaining feelings for him. God has been providing closure in ways that really take me by surprise and it really blows my mind – through a talk with someone I’d never imagined talking to, through a prayer and processing things with a God-sent blessing, through people in my life and the little things. It’s been amazing and it reminds me of what was taught to the WEB kids during service, that God will give you what you need when you need it the most. And He has proven to be true in this respect.
“He hath made every thing beautiful in His time; also he hath set eternity in their heart, yet so that man cannot find out the work that God hath done from the beginning even to the end.” Ecclesiastes 3:11
I know it’s time to let go and in fact I think I’m already, if not, almost there.
Kids eventually understand that pumpkins don’t turn to glass carriages and Fairy Godmothers don’t grant wishes, but many girls never grow out of the idea that one day they will be rescued from reality by some magic and a fictitious prince. And little boys never live up to the fantasy of the mind or that they’re supposed to be that prince and that their spouse is an all-fulfilling princess.
I made a mistake in believing/ wanting a fairytale love; the sweep you off your feet, butterflies in your tummy kind of love.
I learnt the hard way that love isn’t all about feelings. Because the feelings didn’t last. It’s about commitment, even when the feelings start to fade.
But I still do believe in love.
There is such a thing as love. There are beautiful moments. But love is about life. And life is about the long haul.
now only memories run on railway tracks
thnks fr th mmrs