The past few months have been a journey of learning how to be still and to just trust the Big Man up there. It’s really tough for me because I take comfort in knowing that I am in control of my circumstance and surrendering it and letting God take control instead was a struggle. I always have this idealised version of how things should be and letting all that go and saying “God, let things be done your way” was scary. I think it’s because generally people are all self-serving and it’s so difficult to imagine that there will be someone who will be willing to put your interest over theirs (with the exception of family, damn tight friends and significant others maybe?). But I’ve learnt that God loves us way too much to give us second best. I can’t say that I have reached the finish line yet but I can say that I am getting better at this.
I have come to accept that there are just some things in life that I cannot do by own strength – that no amount of striving will make things happen my own way. I know I have been bringing this up a lot but for a really long time it was the only thing that I focused on in my life and the past year has been a journey of learning to get past it and to move on. From everything with T, I have learnt that I can strive to try to get closure or get answers and I can even try to fight for it to work out but ultimately, there is a limit to what I can do and I cannot make someone do what he doesn’t want to do. But I have also learnt that God will fight my battles for me. God has really worked and been so good to be in this process of moving on and I learnt that things might not happen when I want it to or when I expect it to, but God will come through for me and God will provide in His way and in His timing.
Even now when there are certain things that are going on and I have absolutely no idea how to deal with them, I know that prayer is really my best bet. And especially in times like this, I just have to learn to be still and to let God work.
This appeared on my tumblr dashboard a few days back (kudos to spiritualinspiration) and I thought that it is really relevant but more importantly, true. So here goes:
“The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still” (Exodus 14:14, NIV)
“When was the last time you can remember being still? And I don’t mean sitting in traffic or standing in line at the store. In today’s fast-paced culture, people are constantly multitasking, trying to do more in less time, constantly on the go, constantly seeking information, constantly checking off to-do lists. And there is nothing wrong with any of these things. But if we are going to see the Lord fight our battles, if we are going to embrace the victory He has for us, we have to make it a priority to be still before Him.
Being still means taking time alone in the presence of Almighty God. Being still means being quiet before Him, listening to His voice and meditating on His Word. But, we need to also keep our hearts and minds still no matter what else we are doing. Being still means silencing the negative voices in our minds. It means choosing right thoughts and putting our trust in Him. That’s why it’s so important to keep His Word first place in your life because when you know His Word, you know Him. When you know Him, you trust Him. When you trust Him, your heart and mind will be still before Him, and He will lead you into victory all the days of your life!”
I listened to this song a lot during the exam period last month and I really quite like it 🙂
Father please hold on to me, You’re all I’ve got