In Thailand, I was reminded about certain things that I thought I had already let go of. Like how painting the church brought me back to Pekanbaru 2011, among other things. I’d thought I was finally over it and life was well and dandy again but it feels like I had taken 10 steps forward only to take 5 steps back. But… I was also reminded about the story of Lot’s wife from Genesis 19:
17 As soon as they had brought them out, one of them said, “Flee for your lives! Don’t look back, and don’t stop anywhere in the plain! Flee to the mountains or you will be swept away!”
26 But Lot’s wife looked back, and she became a pillar of salt.
I know that I should stop looking back and that I should stop lingering. I know that Lot’s wife’s act of looking back was an act of valuing her city too much such that she could not obey God fully. And what she had valued in her heart, over God, led to her death. It is so tough though.
It’s not that I still have feelings or anything. I just can’t forget. And I regret.
But hands are open for God to give and take.
“I have held many things in my hands, and I have lost them all; but whatever I have placed in God’s hands, that I still possess.” – Martin Luther King.
The latter will be greater; help me not to look back, help me to look up.