and now my eyes are open

I have been meaning to blog but since starting my attachment earlier this week, I come back from work, then meet up with friends and I’m so spent that I just shower and collapse in bed.

Just my first week at the PBSO has been a real eye-opener. I know it’s a really cliche thing to say because that is really what everyone says about attachments, internships and all. But cliche as it might be, it is true. It’s not so much about the workings of the PBSO, how pro bono clinics or how there is so much need but so many limitations to prevent all those needs from being met. Β Yes, I learnt all those things but on a more introspective note, I learnt a lot about human nature and myself.

I have had a few ugly encounters with people that left me raging at how self-centered they can be. It is a shared sentiment between my fellow attachees and I that a lot of people have an inflated sense of entitlement that is just disgusting. I have had moments when I am on the phone with screaming clients or sarcastic walk-ins and as angry as I was at them, I still had to smile and be polite. Although what I did/ said as soon as they walked away is another matter. And that really got me thinking. It started off with the whole, WWJD if He was facing people like that. Then I realised that I really am no different from these horrible people that I met and I am a horrible person too. And that innately we are all bad (haha what a depressing conclusion to come to). Even though I think that if the roles were reversed, I would not act in the manner that they did, but who knows. In that first week, I was made acutely aware of how circumstances really can impact what you do and the person you become and I am just so so thankful for being born into this family and for parents and the people around me who do their best to keep me in check.

McDreamy says it best:

Image

Although there were people that really disgusted me and made me lose hope in humanity, I also met people who really inspired me and gave me hope. (To you with the big heart x kind soul x swag, I can’t say how glad I am to have met you and how much I treasure the conversations. I really hope to be like you one day.) And I think that is much much more precious than all the horrible encounters that I have had.

One more week of attachment left and I’m excited to see what that would hold. Although I kind of don’t want it to end because I’m really really enjoying it πŸ™‚

In other news, T-12 hours to the big night out with my girls tonight!!! So stoked.

and now my eyes are open/ and now my heart is closing

and all the tears/ all the lies/ all the waste

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