hey little fighter, soon it will be brighter

I just submitted my Comparative Legal Theory thought piece for tutorial tomorrow. I have a lot of thoughts (ok not a lot of thoughts but sketchy ideas) that are still stuck in my head and I wish that I could just connect my brain to my Mac through some magical cable and my thoughts will appear on a word document and all I need to do is just cut and paste, rearrange my thoughts and then TA DA~ an A* piece of essay will appear. But alas, life does not work that way. And here I am with a piece of work that I feel is mediocre and that does not fully express everything that I want to say. 

It is 2 am and I am finally wide awake now. After rolling around in bed at 12 pm because I was so tired and I just wanted to disintegrate and my 45 minute nap left me feeling like I did not sleep at all, after refusing to get out of bed to do my essay and after being full of thoughts to just rage quit… I am awake enough to do an essay, finally but I have to submit it. And sleep too. (What is sleep??)

Canoe polo training at 9am at KRC tomorrow and I was/am so tempted to just not go because I really really really really feel like my body can disintegrate any moment cause I’m just so tired. But responsibilities. 

So I decided to count my blessings and to be thankful instead of tired and grumpy. Here goes the list of things that made me happy in the past week. (Disclaimer, it is a very frivolous list lol):

Monday 
– First thing in the morning, when I walk into the LT to the usual BeBes row, Carissa told me that I looked like an angel (cause I was wearing a white laced dress) hahaha ok it is so frivolous, I am ashamed of myself now. But that made me a little happier. 
– Answered prayers. 
– Saw (a) blue moon in school (TEEHEE) 
– Surviving Monday is a feat in itself: 3x lectures from 10am – 5.30pm 
– Good dinner with the extended family before my aunt leaves for the UK: time with family is always good and for that I am thankful.
– In a very strange way, I looked at my uncle as he walked in to the restaurant and I saw my grand-dad in him. I miss my gong gong. But I am thankful to be reminded of him.
– Okay, there are more personal related matters that I hold very very very super closely to my heart that I am thankful for but I will not expound on here. Maybe it’s just a matter of how the things that actually matter less are the ones we put on show? But then again, this brings me back to my prayer request this week of being able to pour out unto God the things that matter the most. 

Tuesday
– I managed to drag myself out of bed to make it in time for prayer meeting in school 
– Since I went for prayer meeting, I actually won a bet because someone had bet that I would not be able to make it. Turns out, he didn’t show up for prayer meeting. So I won myself a servant for one week. WOOHOO. Winning bets since 93′. 
– VERY extremely frivolous lunchtime conversation with the Bebes but I laughed a lot and I was happy. 
– Walked through Botanics at 8.30pm with some of the Bebes and Botanics was quite a sight. It was misty and there was just some magical quality about the dimly-lit Botanical Gardens, even though it was slightly creepy because of the croaking of toads. But I was very thankful for friends to walk out of school with and just my friends actually because I don’t know what law school would be like without them. 
– Also, I was struck with this sense of gladness at being where I am; meaning at being placed in law school even though I had moments of discontent and moments of doubt.
– I still haven’t really found a good reason to give thanks for losing my wallet. But in my wallet are about 20 polaroids (CRAP) and amongst the heap of polaroids, is a photo with someone that I am not very close to anymore. (Although I would not say that we were very close before either but it was a strange crossing of paths.) And we had to spend some time together which I felt very awkward about although I don’t know if he felt that way or I was just being weird. But maybe, just maybe that the lost wallet is a chance to make new memories. 

Wednesday
– God is speaking and God has been speaking through so many ways – devotions, people and I am just very very thankful 🙂 
– I went for my first CG in school and it is great to have a time of corporate worship in school plus a newfound community. 
– HTHT with Xinyuan in the lounge today. Our conversation took an unexpected turn because one minute we were laughing about silly things and then the next moment we were talking about God and about the important things in life and I am thankful for conversations like these. And more importantly for her and for friends like these 🙂 
– Received an unexpected WA today with a prayer request and I am thankful and glad that you thought of me 🙂 (I KNOW YOU WILL SEE THIS, SO THANK YOU! I am glad to be able to pray alongside with and journey with you even though we are miles away from each other.) 
– And the unexpected WA is followed by a Skype date appointment! 
– FINISHED CLT ESSAY (albeit badly, IMO)

Okay this is really just a mush of my disorganised thoughts (much like my CLT essay… ha ha ha). But my point is that in all the weariness and ennui, there are still little/ big things to be thankful for.  And if you add all the little good things together, they may/will outweigh the crummy things. 

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