Steady my heart

today has been a good day thus far – and it is only 5:52pm as of now, meaning that things can only get better. its not a good day in the way that i woke up and felt like i looked perfect and i had a great hair day or that the bus came the moment i reached the bus stop and everything was a breeze today. in fact, today, i woke up and i still only have a double eyelid on one side (this has been happening for a week now and i would very much rather have even eyelids – whether double or single- because its such a pain when it comes to putting eyeliner on haha) and i still dont really like my new haircut very much. also, today at driving lesson – it wasnt the perfect lesson but i enjoyed it very much; even though i turned left when my instructor told me to turn right (i STILL cannot tell my right from left sometimes) and even though there were bad driving moments. but today is still a good day – in the, i am content and i know that i am where i should be right now. also, maybe because i have been getting a lot of sleep so everything feels a bit better.

today, i went to two places that brought back a lot of memories. one, while running errands and the second, when i dropped off at the wrong bus stop and ended up at a place that i have not been to in a long while. at the first place, i took a photo and sent it to a friend for laughs. but at the second, it was harder – it was hard to walk by it without thinking about anything in the past. i couldn’t resist so i sneaked a peek and i saw that the place that used to be our place was filled with secondary school/ jc boys who sat on the sofa that used to be our sofa – i.e. the one we laughed non stop on on the alcolol night. i wish that there was a past tense for our and for we because those are present tense words and there should be words for it in the English language for something that belongs in the past – because we connotes a sense of togetherness; a sense of oneness – but now its you and i – and we belong in the past.

also, over the weekend, i ran into someone from the group of people that i wrote the ‘you met me at a very strange time in my life’ post for. i dont know how he felt about it but i felt like it was more awkward than running into an ex. i have ran into other people from that group before –  mostly when i was inebriated (and they probably were too), at zouk. so it was the first time running into one of em, outside of zouk, super sober, but a little stoned from a day at work plus being sick. but still. i guess i’d always imagined running into them when i’d found myself and i was a better version of me than they bore witness to – and maybe we’d have a nice reunion of sorts, and maybe we can be friends again from where we left off but do it right this time, sans the drama – but i wasn’t prepared for that run in and it was just… strange. i actually had things to say but nothing came out??? and i dont understand why but i guess life is strange like that. (or maybe im just strange and awkward when it comes to meeting people that have disappeared from my life for awhile)

but having said all that im not lingering, im not in a place of wishing i could turn back time – i am content – i am at a place where i have everything i need and i trust that i am where i should be.

Even when it hurts, even when it’s hard
Even when it all just falls apart
I will run to you,
cause I know that you are lover of my soul, healer of my scars
You steady my heart


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