i never wanted you to go / but i’d be the last to let you know

Today is a good day 🙂

1. Managed to catch Thor. Everyone has been raving about how good Thor is. Maybe that’s why I had really high expectations for the movie and at the end of it (I also stayed till post credits. Please remember to stay till post credits) I thought that it wasn’t as good as I had expected.

2. I randomly sent Gid a whole line of crying emojis in reply to a message from a few days back that I’d forgotten to reply and he thought something had happened. But anyway at the end of it, he offered to come by to my place just cause we haven’t hung in awhile :”””””) He didn’t get to cause I was going out for Thor but I have very amazing friends :”) Thank you God.

3. Also, I guess to add to the amazing friends list, Gid’s offer made me remember the sweetest thing someone has ever done for me. Even though it was 2 years back, I remember how while studying for IB, Chng came over to my place with hot chocolate from Starbucks PLUS a packet of marshmallows. All because I had posted on Tumblr that some now would be great. Yes, that’s probably the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me. TYVM :””)

4. My mother offered to pay for my zoukout ticket HAHAHA YAY

I had initially intended to post a more contemplative/emo piece that has been saved in my drafts. It was brought about because I was reading scrolling through Thought Catalog articles on the way home yesterday and I chanced upon this article. I’m not going to post the whole article because the link is already there, just the snippets of it that really stood out to me.

It happens unexpectedly sometimes. One day you’re going about your normal routine when a new person enters your life. A few infrequent encounters and random conversations lead to an exchange of numbers and constant texting. Next thing you know you’re on your first date, really getting to know each other, and discovering how remarkably compatible you are. The conversations flow easily, the teasing is playful, and nothing feels forced. Long walks, ice cream, and card games, the simplest things become so much more enjoyable in their company. But time isn’t always on your side. Your schedules and lives don’t line up, and all too quickly the relationship is over before it really started.

Obviously, when I read the first paragraph, there was a specific person that I was thinking about. But as I read on, especially when it got to the last few lines of this article, I started to think about the people that have disappeared from my life. Especially after I found a photograph that reminded me of Sentosa days with the Trinity folks.

What hurts is thinking that maybe, if there were more time, things would have been different. What hurts is knowing that it didn’t end badly, so why should it have even ended? What hurts is that no matter how long the person was in your life, they were a part of it, and now they’re not.

I’m terrible at doing a few things 1) keeping in touch 2) taking the first step 3) letting go. So along the way I have lost a friend who thought that I didn’t care about the friendship because he was waiting for me to take the first step to initiate conversations, hang outs and meet ups. While I was waiting for him and I thought he didn’t care. (Hi, if you see this, I think you know who you are. Just know that on my To Do List, I have “Reconcile with _” written down. Same for my New Years’ Resolution this year and last year. Just that I never got the guts to do it) I have grown more distant to the people who once used to be my inner circle (I really like this phrase) and sometimes I don’t think I will ever be able to find a community like that again.

But as I reflect about all the good that has happened today and all the good memories that it triggered, I think the bad and the loss seem slightly better? If there’s one thing I know and have accepted better now it is that people will definitely come and go in your life. Sometimes, as much as you wish you could, you don’t get to choose the ones that get to stay. I am a firm believer in fighting for the people I love. But I have learnt the hard way that you can’t fight alone either, simply because it takes two hands to clap. And really, if you’re just one person, trying to clap with one hand, you will look like a retard. (Try it. Now.) (LOL IF YOU REALLY DID)

Also, now I think this would be apt to post this video because… Wong Fu Productions, always.

Okay, this is getting a little more serious than I’d expected. It’s 2:22am now and it’s drizzling outside. It is a perfect time to get into bed and snuggle under the sheets. But… Prop law is calling out to me 😦 Ms. Sherilynn Ding has finished her prop law paper. JELLY.


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