Just so you know, just so you know
I never thought you’d let me go
I don’t even know the truth
Yeah we were fine, yeah we were fine
Then all at once you changed your mind
This song just played randomly when my itunes was on shuffle this morning and it reminded of why I used to be able to identify with this song.
It feels like everything has come full circle. 4 years ago, T and I got close partly because of the World Cup and now 4 years on, we don’t even talk to each other anymore. Still writing and making references about him is not longing though; it’s more like putting roses on a grave. There will always be things that will remind me of him – both the good and the bad – and if I ignore those things, I’m not being honest with myself. But someone v wise once told me that with time, these things will eventually diminish with time.
I would be lying if I said that the World Cup didn’t remind me of him. There was one night, during the World Cup season, I wondered what life would be like now if we were still together. My answer came when I was helping to prepare the exhibits in an affidavit for a client who was going through an acrimonious divorce. I read through the exchange of texts between her and her husband and it sounded so much like T and I – both at our best and at our most dysfunctional.
T once told me “10 years seems like a v long time but it will pass by v quickly as long as we are happy” vs.
“10 years is too long to be unhappy” – said a party who was in a 10 year long, unhappy marriage
The similarities in this case to the way things were between T and I is creepy. It kind of feels like I was looking into the future that we once thought we would have? But I suppose it is also a reminder that things worked out the way that they should – that we were always meant to say goodbye.
Stars puts it the best:
I’m not sorry it’s over/ I’m not sorry I met you
I’m not sorry there’s nothing to save