I have been writing on the other blog, but this was a bit too personal and I felt like there was no space there for this. Maybe, some time soon, I will find a way to say this, with less heart, less about you, on a more publicised blog but – I think I can finally say that when it comes to you, my heart is finally okay.

One morning as I was sitting on a jet boat to an island in Fiji, I looked at my heel which was once covered in a boil and in so much pain 2 weeks ago. I had picked at the wound – where the new skin was forming – until there was a hole. But beneath it, the new, baby-like skin was showing. Through looking at the wound, I learnt how not to rush the healing process, whether physically, spiritually or emotionally. And I remember asking God as I stared at my heel wound: “how about my heart God, is it healed?”

I didn’t get an answer then, but tonight I have my answer. I can hear anecdotes of you and laugh, genuinely, and think yes, that sounds like something he would do. And that’s it. For the first time in 6 years, I could hear about you without any love, longing or pain in my heart. I know that you are where you need to be just as I am where I need to be, and I am happy for you.


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